by Fr. Theodore Shevzov
(on the occasion of the marriage of his daughter, Vera, to John
Zebrun)
Today, undoubtedly is one of the most important days in your life. You have just entered the Sacrament of Marriage and through this Sacrament the Holy Church has blessed and sanctified your future life together.
Inasmuch as you both have theological education, you are well aware of the significance that the Church associates with the Sacrament of Marriage and it would be redundant for me to talk to you about the relationship between marriage and our common life in the Body of Christ.
Instead, I would like to share with you some observations acquired over many years of my own married life as well as that of others whom I have observed. I hope that these thoughts will serve as kind of guideposts in your married life and I think that many of your married friends present here may well agree, because they will also relate to these thoughts.
First in importance, dear Vera and John, is your attitude toward each other. You should think of each other as the most beautiful gift of God intended especially and exclusively for you. You probably had occasion in your life when someone gave you an especially valuable or pleasing gift. And you cherished that gift in a very attentive way so as not to lose or damage it somehow. Perhaps upon getting up in the morning or returning from somewhere you hurried to check whether your gift is still there to make sure nothing has happened to it.
And so you are a gift of God to each other only much more precious than the one I just spoke about and you should care and look after each other in an even more loving way. Consider your spouse an infinitely more precious gift because in him or her the Lord has entrusted you to care for His own image and likeness. To some extent God has given you the responsibility for the fate, particularly spiritual fate of another human being. That thought alone should fill you with the sense of awe and desire to care and respect your spouse in a most diligent manner. And respect and care for each other will increase your love and strengthen your marital bond. And let me remind you that the proof that you are a gift of God to each other is the fact that you even met and found each other. Remember that nothing happens by accident in this world because, according to the Word of God, not even a single hair will fall off your head without the will of God! So without the will of God, what were the odds for John from Texas to meet Vera from Connecticut. But this was no ordinary meeting--God has directed both of you to St. Vladimir's Seminary with fervent desire to learn the history and the rich spirituality and magnificence of the Orthodox Faith and I definitely see a great significance that you happened to meet at an institution of higher theological learning.
In your attitude toward each other accept one another as you are and do not try to change your spouse to some "ideal' that exists only in your imagination and not in real life. There will be many joys in your life but also some sorrows and even sufferings. Be prepared to accept them calmly and with firm faith in God's will which we are not always capable of understanding. The sorrows and sufferings sometimes turn into joy but if not, they can always be to our spiritual benefit and it is up to us to discern this benefit. In accepting sorrows always remember Christ's own example of suffering in His earthly life and His words to us that "you shall have sorrows in this world."
The joy gives us uplifting as if on wings but a warning here is in order. Do not take for granted or even miss altogether the smaller joys of fife that come your way more often then we think. For example, don't neglect to rejoice when someone shows a friendly disposition towards you or offers you a helping hand, rejoice when you take a walk together, rejoice in every small success, your own or anyone else's. Learn to rejoice in other people's successes as in your own because by doing this you will multiply your own joy. Beware of constantly preoccupying yourself with future happiness and well being. In reaching and searching for this future happiness you may easily, miss many of the small joys that God sends your way and which constitute real happiness.
In your relation to others be merciful and look at each person as an image and likeness of God. Sometimes people through their evil deeds or without even being aware of what they are doing, lose that Godly image and likeness. Remember that it is not for you to pronounce judgment as the Lord has clearly told us "do not judge lest you be judged also." Substitute sorrow and prayer in place of judgment and anger toward such people and look upon them as you do upon the sick.
And last, but not the least -- never, never, pay someone for an evil deed with more evil. Do not seek revenge in anger. This is the same as if you were to fight darkness with more darkness and cold with more cold. You win not attain positive results. No, dear Vera and John, as you conquer darkness with light and combat cold with warmth so you should fight evil with goodness, lies with truth, and anger with love!
Accept these words as my best present in your new life which was blessed today by the Church. If you guide yourself by these rules in your daily lives you will not be mistaken because you will be following the unmistakable teachings of the Gospel.
Washington, D.C., September 2, 1990